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Sizzlin’ Summer Calendar


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Tour Dem Parks, Hon!

A Nude Time Was Had by All with the Maryland Area Naturist Association, Ben Franklin, the guy on the hundred-dollar bill, was a nudist, taking regular “air baths” and inviting fellow Americans to give it a try. All summer long, the freedom-loving clothing-free lovers of freedom of the MARNA will be swimming, socializing, bowling, and roller skating in their birthday suits. If you are nude or nude-curious, find the naked facts at Check the web site for info on their annual summer camp, where your mom won’t have to write your name on your underwear.

Baltimore County Corvette Club Monthly Meet and Greet, 5-8 p.m. first Saturday of the month (weather permitting), Security Square Mall, 6901 Security Blvd., (410) 258-8638, If you have a Corvette, this is the place to do a little profiling and socializing, and if you don’t have one, that’s OK, you can stop by and hang out, and pretty soon you’ll probably figure out you need a ’Vette.

Car Stuff in Carlisle, First of all, Car-lisle, get it? OK, gearhead, there’s a motorcycle event and a truck one too, here we go: Auburn Spring Collector Car Auction, Swap Meet & Car Corral, May 31-Jun. 3; Carlisle Ford Nationals, June 1-June 3; Carlisle GM Nationals, June 22-24; Carlisle Chrysler Nationals, July 6-8; Carlisle Bike Fest, July 20-22, Carlisle Truck Nationals, Aug. 3-5; Bloomsburg Nationals, Aug. 10-12; Corvettes at Carlisle, Aug. 24-26; Auburn Fall Collector Car Auction, Swap Meet & Car Corral, Aug. 30-Sept. 2, Carlisle, Pa.,, prices and discounts for children vary.

Downtown Sailing Center Sailing Classes and Clinics, through October, 1425 Key Highway, (410) 727-0722,, classes $150-$300, clinics $30-$50. If climate change comes, you realize we are pretty close to sea level around here, right? We’re learning to sail this summer and putting a li’l sailboat up on our roof just in case.

Druid Hill Park Disc Golf, all the time, man, and look, we’re not saying people who play disc golf smoke weed or anything, but now there’s a killer hot dog cart right next to the course. (443) 271-5351, Follow signs to Maryland Zoo, parking past softball fields on left and the old reptile house on right, first tee: 39.326,-76.654.

Free Yoga with Merritt Athletics, noon-1 p.m. Thursdays in June, Preston Gardens between upper and lower St. Paul at Saratoga streets, (410) 244-1030, Slip into those yoga pants and/or loose-fitting clothing and go downtown for some Downward-Facing Dog. Bring some water. Breathe. Namaste.

Hiking with the Mountain Club of Maryland,, fees and carpool costs vary. The Mountain Club of Maryland is all about hiking and leaving no trace you were there when you leave. Activities at all levels of skill are planned for Maryland and beyond, so we’re buying new beginner-boots and some bug spray and hitting the trail.

Major League Bocce, (240) 506-9578, Bocce is starting to spread in Baltimore thanks to this upstart league which promises events in Patterson Park this summer. Our new pal Ricky, from Major League Bocce, just sent us the discount code “CITY50,” good for $30 off registration (that’s a 50 percent discount) in case you want to join the league. You could always just go to the park and watch, but you will probably get Bocce Fever.

National Pinball Museum noon-8 p.m. Fridays, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Saturdays, 8 p.m.-6 p.m. Sundays, 608 Water St., Baltimore is now home to the NPM, and it’s a “hands-on” museum, which means in addition to checking out all the cool old pinball machines and art, you can pay to play on any over 30 machines in the Pinhead Gallery, with rates anywhere from $12 for two hours, to $25 for three days admission. Yes, pinball is a sport. Don’t tilt.

Orioles Promotional Nights, through Sept. 30, Oriole Park at Camden Yards, 333 West Camden St., We said this last year (and the year before): The Orioles are greatly improved. Look, it’s only May, and at press time we just took two from the Yankees in New York. You must Believe. Make the shapes of these letters with your body any way you see fit: O-R-I-O-L-E-S, or we won’t get into the playoffs, c’mon.

Hike in Druid Hill Park in Celebration of National Trails Day, 9-11 a.m. June 2, Howard Peters Rawlings Conservatory, Druid Hill Park, (443) 469-8274,, pre-registration encouraged at Today dress for the weather, bring some water and a snack and enjoy a six-mile guided tour of the park, featuring the “Black Hills,” which we figure is nowhere near where we park to wax our car.

Maryland Free Fishing Days, June 2 and 9, July 4, If you’re 16 and over, you need a license to “catch and possess finfish in the tidal and nontidal waters of the State for recreational purposes,” but on the above dates at special fishin’ holes all over the state, you can catch, release, whatever, as long as you fish by the usual rules and remember all the usual lies you are supposed to tell as an official angler.

Maryland Jousting Tournament Association Founder’s Day Joust, 11 a.m. June 2, Glen Arm Field, 12201 Long Green Pike, Glen Arm, (717) 456-9802, Jousting is the official sport of Maryland, but this isn’t the kinda jousting where you’re on horseback riding full-tilt trying to smash your pole into somebody’s chest while they are trying to do the same to you. This is ring jousting, where you try to snag a teeny little ring with the tip of your stick. Consider yourself an adult if you read that without snickering, your highness.

NationWide Demolition Derby, gate opens 4 p.m., race at 7 p.m., June 2, Anne Arundel County Fairgrounds, 1450 Generals Hwy., Crownsville,, adults $12, active and retired service with ID $6, age 6-12 $5, 5 and under free. Hey, you can watch cars smash into each other on purpose or you can hit and get an application to drive in it, hells yeah. Also there will be a moon bounce and mechanical bull riding.

8-Mile Hike at Loch Raven Reservoir, 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. June 3, (410) 299-8833,, $2. The Mountain Club of Maryland has many great events for different levels of hikers all summer long so we picked this fast-paced hike along the Merryman Trail with views of the reservoir and hills because it features a snack break, as long as we remember to bring a snack. And a drink.

White Rose Motorcycle Club, 5252 Hillclimb Road, Spring Grove, Pa., (717) 229-2621, The highlight of the summer is the June 3 totally insane Class “A” Professional Hill Climb, with the hill in question looking pretty much like a cliff, but there are more reasonable and sedentary activities such as a Swap Meet June 15-17 and a Vintage Japanese Motorcycle Meet and Bike Show Aug. 17-19. Vroom.

Maryland Basic Boating Course, June 6 and 9, July 23 and 26, and Aug. 20 and 23, Back River Neck Recreation Center, 801 Back River Neck Road, (410) 887-0217, Well hello, sailor, if you wanna be the cap’n or at least just operate a mechanically propelled vessel on Maryland waters, you need to take this $30 basic safety course for a Certificate of Boating Safety Education, aye-aye and avast ye bilge buckets.

Maryland Live! Casino Opening, 10 p.m. June 6, 7002 Arundel Mills Circle, Hanover, (855) 563-5483,, free, if you don’t gamble or buy anything or eat anything or drink anything. Baltimore still doesn’t have a casino, but now we’re only a 20-minute drive down Gladys Noon Spellman’s MD 295 to the Arundel Mills Mall environs and a shiny new slots box. Remember to gas up your car on the way down.

Ocean City Surfrider Longboard Challenge Weekend, June 8-10, 37th St. (Castle in the Sand), Ocean City, The OC chapter of the Surfrider Foundation is all about preserving the waves and dunes, and this fundraiser event fuels beach cleanups and awareness of the “Leave Only Footprints” vibe. Aloha.

Tour Dem Parks, Hon!, 7 a.m.-3 p.m. June 10, Carroll Park, 1500 Washington Blvd.,, $35, 15 and under $15. Put on your stretchy pants and helmet and join in to promote (and enjoy) urban cycling with this annual bike ride through scenic Patterson, Clifton, and Druid Hill parks. The event offers a range of different routes from a family friendly 12-miler to the hardcore 64-mile “metric century,” and there’s a barbeque to get back some of the calories you biked off.

Free Zumba with Merritt Athletics, 5:15-6:15 p.m. June 12, 26, Preston Gardens between upper and lower St. Paul at Saratoga Street, (410) 244-1030, Zumba is the latest fun exercise thing where you listen to music while you do it so you don’t get bored. It includes martial arts and fitness moves but it looks a lot like dancing, so we’re all for it.

Baltimore Blast Summer Soccer Camp, 9 a.m.-noon June 18-22, July 16-20, and Aug. 13-17, Du Burns Arena, 1301 S. Ellwood Ave., (410) 732-5278,, for youth soccer players ages 5-13, $120 each session, $300 for all three. It’s a Blast! Have a Ball!

Celebrating Heroes Triathlon, 7 a.m. June 24, Centennial Lake, 10000 Clarksville Pike, Ellicott City, (410) 964-1246, This is billed as a great first-time triathlon, featuring a 0.62-mile swim, a 17.5-mile bike ride, and a 3.4-mile run, and we’re tired just from reading that, but hey, go for it, ironpants.

Charm City Roller Girls, Philly Independence Dolls vs. CCRG Female Trouble/CCRG All Stars vs. Philly Liberty Belles July 7; Garden State Rollergirls vs. CCRG Female Trouble/CCRG All Stars vs. Rat City Rollergirls Aug. 11; 5:30-10:30 p.m., Du Burns Arena, 1301 S. Ellwood Ave., (443) 573-245,, $12-$25, ages 12 and under $5, Charm City Roller Girls is skater-owned and operated, which means this is not your momma’s roller derby. Or your daddy’s.

Maryland Hunter Education Course, 6:30 p.m.-10 p.m. July 26-27, 7:30 a.m.-2 p.m. July 28, Frederick Chapter of Izaak Walton League of America, 4719 Reels Mill Road, Frederick, (240) 490-7165,, under 14 must be accompanied by adult, $10. This is a class on basic hunter safety, firearm handling and safety, marksmanship and shooting fundamentals, you know, the kind of things you should learn so you don’t do dumbass stuff like shoot your hunting partner in the face.

White Marlin Open, Aug. 6-10, last chance for registration Aug. 4-5, Harbour Island Marina, 14th St., Ocean City, (410) 289-9229,, $1,000 per boat before June 1, $1,200 per boat after June 1, Added Entry fees $50-$5,000. To give you an idea how serious this fishing contest is, any angler winning more than $50,000 may be subject to a polygraph test, yow. The contest involves fishing for white marlin, blue marlin, tuna, dolphin, wahoo, and shark, but you could just buy the trippy official tournament T-shirt and tell lies about the one that got away and not have to sweat the polygraph.

Tour De Frederick, Aug. 17-19, starts at Hilton Garden Inn, 7226 Corporate Court, Frederick, (301) 228-3400,, $69-$370. This year’s tour includes all kinds of bike rides, from one to 78 miles around Frederick County, some local fine-dining and a Frederick Keys baseball game, which you can ride to on your bike, of course, you lunatic. New this year is a wacky high-wheel bike race with antique and replica cycles, plus, if you throw down some extra loot you get proximity to three-time Tour de France winner Greg LeMonde. Wow, we’re kinda tired from thinking about that 78-miler, so you wanna get a cab to the ball game, and then just dinner and the ice cream social before we watch the Ye Olde bike race?

Baltimore Ravens Preseason Football, vs. Detroit Lions 8 p.m. Aug. 17, vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 7:30 p.m., Aug 23, M&T Bank Stadium, 1101 Russell St., (410) 261-7283,, $55-$272. Remember how sad you were when football season ended? Well, dry your eyes, start painting your face, and get ready for some preseason. We came pretty close last year, and also, Pittsburgh sucks.

Baltimore Grand Prix, Aug. 31-Sept. 2, That’s all we have at press time. If you liked the crazy go-fast cars at the Inner Harbor last year, keep your gearshifts crossed.

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