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Mr. Wrong

Write Wrong

Woweee! Recently I enjoyed a well-deserved vacation, and I sincerely hope readers who read the Mr. Wrong column (and even readers who don’t read, and deeper still, non-readers) get a chance to take time off and go places and eat things and bask in the sun and maybe go swimming and drink their favorite beverage of choice and enjoy life and maybe even just sit around staring into a campfire for hours and hours thinking of absolutely nothing, zero, where you can see anything you want in the flames, for hours, it’s better than teevee, and when I say something is better than teevee, you know I am not fucking around. Vacation! I hope you had one or get one real soon. One of the things that can happen after you are vacant is you come back to The World and check all the emails people sent while you were away, and when I was checking my emails, I realized I haven’t printed any lately, which is a good way to ease back into columning after a relaxing vacation!

I wrote a column about Harbor Point (“Double Dipping,” July 24), which is either good for the city, or it’s a bunch of people getting rich on the city, and I just found out I have a new Mental Relative:

I see that either you were at City Hall on the 17th or watched Ch.25 that evening. Or, you and I just are just mental twins separated at birth (Mom must have lied to me) and now we find each other! Your perspective on ‘Harbor Point’ has the tongue-in-cheek that my father taught me to have. If you ever lose perspective or that edge that you seem to display, just ask and I could help as our separation at birth is a new-found joy to me.

Paul B.

I think I got the most emails ever about how the Route 27 bus breaks my heart (“The Route 27 Bus Makes Me Sad,” July 31):

Just loved your column this week, “The Route 27 Makes Me Sad”. Loved it.

I’m sitting in Mt. Washington Pizza and Subs this afternoon (where I pick up my weekly necessity, “The Baltimore City Paper”) and reading your tale of woe about Kelly & Sulgrave - I know it well.

Everything you wrote so resounded, and the joy “with the wave of relief that washes over you”, “and the love you experience upon the opening of the bus door and the nice dry bus and the shiny blue seats and the signs telling you to watch out for suspicious packages . . .”

Who doesn’t know that Joy, and the Defeat of waiting and waiting and then The Not In Service bus shows up?

MTA makes me sad, too.

Your article made me happy.

Thanks, Joe MacLeod.

P.S. Did you catch the irony in this week’s “How’s It Goin’?”, [(“How’s It Goin’?,” July 31)]. Geremy is interviewed and says “but I’ve been waiting for the bus for an hour. The 27.”

Must be a conspiracy of some sort.

Thanks again,

Leslie K.

This is a first for me;) But I had to tell you that your story about the 27 bus, just made me think about the 13 bus (I hate that fucking bus). It’s never on time, or it comes too early, or not at all. And no matter how early I get to my stop, I always miss it, or that bitch just doesn’t show. I call these buses “The Phantom Bus” You can wait & wait all you want, but you will never get on that phantom bus!

Boobie

I have only lived in Baltimore on the route 27 bus line for 2 weeks and have already experienced the emotions in your column: the self-patting on the back for being a public transport user when the bus arrives on time; the confusion and frustration of wondering where the 27 and all its 27 friends could be when it’s so off-schedule; the squinting in anticipation to determine the # of the approaching bus; the internal debate of light rail & long walk in creepy area at night vs waiting another 30 mins for the 27; and the random stream-of-consciousness delivered by the seemingly crazy guy at the bus stop/on the bus who is actually saying some pretty accurate things. What to do? THANK YOU!!!

Emily M.

Hello I Just wanted to let u know i really enjoyed reading your article or whateva u call it In the City Paper about The Route 27 Bus You Nailed it On the Nose About the Bus i Do Not Take The 27 i Take 77 & 36 & I Can Relate Piss`s Me off When the Bus Drives Right By Anywho just wanted to let u kno i enjoyed it n u should sent it to MTA Have a good Day :)

Venida J.

The most recent episode of The Misery in my back (“Misery is Back,” Aug. 7) inspired readers to offer valuable therapeutic options:

I read your column in today’s City Paper and just wanted to tell you: I feel your pain. I did something similar to what you did to your back one time. In my case, it was just a slight twisting around in the car to talk to the kid in the back seat, which resulted in searing, incapacitating pain out of all proportion to the physical movement. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about something that helped me at the time, ‘cause I never did get around to seeing a doctor. No, it’s not pills, just a simple little exercise, which you may already have heard of, but on the off chance that you haven’t, here it is . . .

Get down on the floor on all fours, your palms flat on the floor shoulder-width apart, your knees on the floor directly under your hips. Your weight should be evenly distributed over these four limbs, your back straight and flat as a table; pretend you’re balancing a tray of drinks on your back. It should be flat but not rigid, try to be loose and relaxed. Your head should be face toward the floor, neck in alignment with the back. Got it? Now, slowly lift one leg up and back, keeping your knee flexed so that a 90 degree angle is maintained, until your thigh is parallel to the floor and in straight alignment with your back. This single movement should immediately relieve some of the pressure in the spine. You can slightly lift your leg a wee bit higher, maybe 5 or 10 degrees, to maximize relief in the lumbar region. Now lower your leg to starting position and repeat with the other leg.

I found I would get instant relief of pain by doing this whenever the back tightened up. Obviously, it’s not a permanent solution, and you can’t remain hunched over on hands and knees all day, but it might give you a few minutes of peace and take the edge off so you can think.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Laura L.

I’ve been there, man. It fucking sucks. You gotta get on the opiates for a week. You won’t shit for 7 days but life will be better.

Steve B.

Thanks to everybody who helped write my column this week! Now, fully rested and vacated—but not full of any opiates—I am back in The City That Reads, full of post-vacationing energy and ideas and things and stuff for you, the Gentle Reader Who Reads, but also for all of Baltimore, and the rest of America, and the planet in general, when applicable. I am excited about the future of the Mr. Wrong column and making one every week and Getting Paid, man, who would ever want a vacation from that? Not me! ■

wrongcolumn@gmail.com.

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