Published: December 14, 2011
Hey, I dunno if you noticed yet as you flip through these pages of paper or pixel, but this week is one of my fave-rave editions of Baltimore’s Listiest Alternative Weekly, namely Top 10, where we, as in all the people who write words into the paper and dot-com, get to tell you what we think is Tops, times 10. Yeah!
Man, I love Top 10, seriously, and in fact, this year I already put it at the Top of my Top 10 list. Yeah, man, Top 10 itself is a Top 10 for me, is that like holding a mirror up to another mirror and examining the infinite reflections found within, or something profound and transcendental? I dunno, man, I am just being enthusiastic, you know? Meanwhile, as I list you my Top 10s, you can tell it’s a Top 10 if it goes in bold, like this right here for example, which is another thing I always like to tip my Top hat of 10 to, the bold type, because it really spruces up my column, the Mr. Wrong Column, which I also always give a Top 10 to, not just because I get paid money to write it (which should be, like, a number that is higher than Number One, somehow, on my list of Top 10), but because this year, this very column was voted First Place in the category of Columns, so that’s another Top 10, that The Mr. Wrong column was selected as the “First Place” column in the Association of Alternative Newsmedia “AAN Awards” for the Year of Our Lord 2011, so I will give the Association of Alternative Newsmedia a Top 10 for scratching my back so hard, good times.
Top 10 is fun! You should go check out all the other Top Tens of Music (page 18) and Books (30) and News (10) and Film (12) and all the other stuff because you will find some things to get interested in or maybe even something you didn’t know about, so you can learn something or find some new entertainment, and yeah, I gave all those things Top 10, along with Television (16), which I should give like a double or triple Top 10 to, because of my deep and abiding feelings for Teevee.
So some other things that are Top 10 for me this year are Twitter, because that’s fun, and the best part about it is if you don’t like some of it, you don’t have to get it on your Twitters because you can pick the ones you want to see, and you can even block out the ones you really don’t want to see even by accident. I also think Internet in general is a Top 10, and I don’t completely understand this stuff about how They (whoever that is) want to strangle it or charge more for it or make a First Class and Coach section if you will, because I know where I’m gonna end up, you know?
I also Top 10 the President of the United States of America Barack Hussein Obama, and reiterate my assertion and will take all legal wagering action on the proposition that he will be re-elected as the POTUS, which I also Top 10 as a good acronym, but not the FLOTUS or the SCOTUS or any of those other OTUSes, no offense. I forgot to bold wagering back there, but that’s a big Top 10 for me, at Pimlico for the ponies and then wherever else they get a goddamn casino built, the sooner the better, and they need to get the Table Games and Sports Book going like any civilized state that supports Legal Wagering.
I would totally Top 10 Tasering if it somehow didn’t hurt, and I know I just sorta de facto Top 10-ed it by putting it in bold type, so I would like to say I support Tasering as the alternative to shooting people with a gun. I don’t know if there are figures on how many of the Tasered are people who mighta been shot, but I would like to see some metrics on this if anybody has the figures.
I’m trying to think of some food items to Top 10, and I’m gonna say the Pizza, in its many forms, is a big Top 10 for me, at places such as Bagby, and Matthews, and Angelo’s, and Joe Squared, and Iggies, and Isabella’s, and probably like five other ones I forgot. I like pizza.
The Baltimore Sun also gets a Top 10 from me this year just because it’s still around, and I think it is important to have a Daily Newspaper, or even two, in a city, in some form, but I can’t get behind how they are charging 75 cents for a copy of the paper from a streetbox, seriously, either make the paper way fatter for my 75 cents or make it free, won’t that boost your circulation and get you more advertising support? It seems to work for my paper, man, just saying.
And finally, a sincere and heartfelt Top 10 to you, The Gentle Reader of the Mr. Wrong Column. I sincerely appreciate your eyeballs, along with those of The Haters. Top 10!
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