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Mr. Wrong


Ready, Go, Set!

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So I think it looks like there is probably-maybe gonna be another Baltimore Grand Prix of go-fast cars here on the Streets of Baltimore, and I am in favor of it, because I am in favor of all kinds of events and activities that are supposed to be good for the Tax Base, and my only complaint about any of these ideas is that there aren’t enough of them.

For instance, a couple-few years ago, somebody on the City Council or something, or it mighta even been that last Mayor we had, you know, with the Gift Cards, etc., said we should have a Professional Soccer field over in Westport or someplace where they are either probably building those townhouses with car-garages and a boat-thing or some sorta new Johns Hopkins or University of Maryland deal with “Bio Tech” or whatever.

I mean, you can say what you want about College and stuff, but that University of Maryland is getting it done, man, they got all these buildings built for “Bio”-whatevs and they even have stuff on their map for “Greenfield” sites (which is Good, right, because it has “Green”?), and the last Grand Prix got people all upset because they were cutting down trees so they could install bleachers, you know?

I mean, I don’t know any Facts or anything, but I think I heard on the radio, with that last Grand Prix, a buncha people got stiffed for a million, I think? Dollars? But that is our Free Enterprise System, right? Risk and Reward, yes? Capitalism, no?

Look, I’m not a fan of how it turned out with the last Grand Prix, with the trees getting chopped down and then the company that chopped ’em down got its contract chopped by The City, and so I guess that means those trees are never gonna get put back, but even if they are back right now, why would you wanna put ’em if there’s gonna be another Grand Prix a year later in the same spot? How much can a tree grow in a year? Somebody needs to think about this stuff before they say Yes again, hah? But I guess We The City already said Yes? Vrooom!

So like I was saying (I think) the last Grand Prix shoulda been good but something was Bad about it, to wit, nobody made enough Money, right? Did anybody make any money? I mean, I went to the Grand Prix, I got a Pass and everything, so I got to go all over the place (except where it looked like Companies had tents for Rich People, maybe—but whatever, Rich People make me nervous because I am not One of Them) and I got to see the Grand Prixe for Frixe, and I think that’s a big problem, all the People Like Me who got in for nothing to look at the cars go fast, and man, those suckers were like jet airplanes going by, VRRROOOM-WHAAAiiii-SZHOO-OOooomm . . . man, it was crazy, and I wasn’t even drunk or anything because I am too cheap to buy beer at Inflated Stadium Prices, but anyway, when I went to the place where I got my Press Pass, there were bunches and bunches of people from all kinds of organizations in Baltimore who were bellying up for a Free Pass, and when I was walking around the Grand Prix, I had a VIP badge, and I noticed a lotta people had Badges, and it seemed like more people had “I got in Free” Badges than regular “I paid for a Ticket” badges, you know? I mean, I know it was the first year, last year, of the Grand Prix, but it didn’t look like there were lots and lots of people there with paid-for tickets who could turn this Grand Prix into a money-maker, where there’s lotsa eating and drinking and buying “merch” on top of that ticket they paid for, you know? Also, I don’t understand how a bottle of Bud Light or whatever ends up costing Eight Dollars just because I’m on the Grand Prix side of the fence, you know? I have the same problem with the Baseball stadium and the Football stadium, but I guess that’s where the money is, marking up Macrobrews 500 percent over MSRP? I’m not harshing on this, I’m just wondering. Anyway, now there’s another Group who wants to get in there, yes? Well, I say if their money is green, let ’em play, hah? But let’s see that Money, yes? It’s like these Casino guys, the only ones we can take seriously are the ones who plop down some chips on the table and get going with the ground and the breaking thereof! Where’s my Casino at, Baltimore? People want to help the Tax Base!

And look, if we’re giving these Grandes Prixes another shot after it looks like a buncha people already got burned, howabout some other stuff, like a Soccer Field, or deeper still, a shiny-new Arena for the Indoor Soccer and concerts, eh? And howabout a goddamn Professional Basketball team? We got all these guys who play ball and end up being on the Knicks and stuff, you know?

Meanwhile back at University of Maryland Bio-Thing, they got a map on their Web site with all the buildings they built that are doing Bio-Stuff and they ain’t done, man, they have a little rectangle on the map for proton facility potential site. Seriously man, proton facility potential site! Let’s get that thing built! College! Proton! Maybe some accelerated Proton Races?,

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