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Mr. Wrong

Column Helper

Mr. Wrong: Sometimes I haz a busy Weekend with many Obligations, and I get a li’l bit behind on my Deadlines. By Joe MacLeod 4/16/2014
Sneezin’ is the Reason for the Season

Sneezin’ is the Reason for the Season

Mr. Wrong: Hey everybody it’s still Spring! It wasn’t a trick! By Joe MacLeod 4/9/2014

Jam Up Jelly Tight

Mr. Wrong: What the hell is this “Strawberry Jelly” shit I been seeing at diners? Who the fuck asked for that? By Joe MacLeod 3/26/2014

What are Words Worth?

Mr. Wrong: I’m pretty happy the “Mr. Wrong” column is still in City Paper By Joe MacLeod 3/19/2014

What the Hell Just Happened?

Mr. Wrong: I’m getting fifty bucks more per column! By Joe MacLeod 3/12/2014

The Future of The “Mr. Wrong” Column is Uncertain

Mr. Wrong: I’m still not at the point where I don’t care about City Paper. By Joe MacLeod 3/5/2014

Bellyaching

Mr. Wrong: No ill effects on termites! Yow! By Joe MacLeod 2/19/2014

Difficulty Swallowing

Mr. Wrong: I would like to take a nap right now, you know? By Joe MacLeod 2/12/2014

The City of Positivity

Mr. Wrong: I live in The City of Baltimore, Maryland, America, and I pay my fucking taxes By Joe MacLeod 2/5/2014

Super Bowl is the Polar Vortex of America

Mr. Wrong: It’s generally a good idea to not think too much about anything during Super Bowl. By Joe MacLeod 1/29/2014

Booze Issues

Mr. Wrong: Getting bombed is my Constitutional Right as a Citizen of Earth. By Joe MacLeod 1/22/2014

Readers Write

Mr. Wrong: This might be a first for the “Mr. Wrong” column, you know, that a question got answered? By Joe MacLeod 1/15/2014

D-Plus!

Mr. Wrong: Where would we be if Jesus H. Christ decided He wanted to drop his G_d-Given middle initial? By Joe M.D. MacLeod 1/8/2014

Gimme Xmas

Mr. Wrong: I am a huge re-gifter. By Joe MacLeod 12/25/2013

Let’s Top Ten!

Mr. Wrong: You can make your own Top Ten list and put it anywhere you want, or send it to me at wrongcolumn@gmail.com. By Joe MacLeod 12/18/2013

I Love a Parade

Mr. Wrong: The Holiday Season is a time for learning, and one of the things The Children need to learn early is: Life is full of Disappointments. No parade this year, kids! By Joe MacLeod 12/10/2013

Total Recall

Mr. Wrong: Jeez, my house is a potential death trap, man, it’s worse than Cold and Flu Season up in here. By Joe MacLeod 12/4/2013

A Hunger for Games

Mr. Wrong: Football qualifies as a blood sport, and I am unenlightened enough to consider Super Bowl one of my High Holidays. By Joe MacLeod 11/27/2013

All The Holidays Stuffed Into One

Mr. Wrong: Spending money is why many people hate The Holidays, and also, at the same time, for many Americans, the Active Ingredient of any The Holidays is buying stuff. By Joe MacLeod 11/20/2013

Here’s Zero Crazy Tips for Reading this Amazing Column

Mr. Wrong: Wowee, way too much of everything, have you noticed, on the Internet, is announced in headlines as “Amazing” or “Crazy” or “The Most” whatever or “Insane” or “Awesome,” eh? Seriously, have you noticed this? By Joe MacLeod 11/13/2013

Tipping Point

Mr. Wrong: Who the fuck decided “hazelnut” is a flavor-thing that belongs in coffee? By Joe MacLeod 10/23/2013

Barack Hussein Obama(care)

Mr. Wrong: I don’t know about you—I mean, because how could I, this column is all about me, me, me—but I’m totally burned out on all this Budget Shutdown Budget Showdown stuff, you know? By Joe MacLeod 10/16/2013

Go Wash Your Hands RIght Now

Mr. Wrong: In the name of Pontius Pilate, Patron Saint of hand-washing, go wash your hands. By Joe MacLeod 10/9/2013

Honky

Mr. Wrong: Hey annoying motorist, why you gotta be all tail-grabbin’ my ass when we are both now in a position to see The Future in front of us, as in, Red Light. By Joe MacLeod 10/2/2013
Please Don’t Hurt BESTY™

Please Don’t Hurt BESTY™

Mr. Wrong: We’d like to offer to somehow get the BESTY™ hands and feet to the kidnappers, because it’s sad to think BESTY™ doesn’t have his hands and feet. By Joe MacLeod 9/25/2013

The Best Week of Baltimore

Mr. Wrong: If you want a chance to go to the party as a Guest of the “Mr. Wrong” column, send me an email and I will do a random drawing early next week. 9/11/2013

Inside Information

Mr. Wrong: I have a lot of Opinions about how the paper should be run, and if I owned it, they wouldn’t be Opinions anymore, dig? By Joe MacLeod 9/4/2013

School Should Still be Out for Summer

Mr. Wrong: Who learns anything in August while the swimming pools are still open? By Joe MacLeod 8/28/2013

Write Wrong

Mr. Wrong: Vacation! I hope you had one or get one real soon. By Joe MacLeod 8/21/2013

The Vacation is Right

Mr. Wrong: I go away for one lousy week and it turns out to be the one week The Price Is Right hits town to recruit contestants? How can this happen? By Joe MacLeod 8/14/2013

Misery is Back

Mr. Wrong: What do I need with risking all my hard-earned lottery winnings on you and your fakakta Get Rich Quick scheme? You wanna get rich, buy a Powerball like me, and then relax, it’s good for your back. By Joe MacLeod 8/7/2013

The Route 27 Bus Makes Me Sad

Mr. Wrong: I am on the brink of an irrational and abiding hatred of the No. 27 bus, which sometimes takes me from my house to my job or from my job to my house in as little as 45 minutes. Sometimes. By Joe MacLeod 7/31/2013

Double Dipping

Mr. Wrong: Would you like to work at selling teakwood Ice Cream Scoopers? By Joe MacLeod 7/24/2013

All Glory is Fleeting

Mr. Wrong: There’s no way this story couldn’t have triumphed in Award Combat, its enemies driven before it (no offense to the non-winners), in a Conqueror’s Triumph. Cheese Fish! By Joe MacLeod 7/17/2013

A Fifth of July

Mr. Wrong: Fuck winter, man! Let's go get a snoball at the exact opposite time when you can make one out of dirty snow off the street! I want a blue one! By Joe MacLeod 7/10/2013

One Simple Trick to Turn Litter Into Money

Mr. Wrong: If that Bay Bridge was run by a private company, you think it would cost six bucks to cross it? By Joe MacLeod 7/3/2013

It Is Better To Win Than To Be Good And Get Fired

Mr. Wrong: One of the other fine columns the “Mr. Wrong” column beat out for the award of “Best Column” was the “La Dolce Musto” column, written by Michael Musto, formerly and forever from the Village Voice paper of New York City, America. By Joe MacLeod 6/26/2013

Emphasis Mine

Mr. Wrong: When I holler, I need some refreshment to help keep my hollering muscles toned and lubricated. By Joe MacLeod 6/19/2013

Full-Koch Press

Mr. Wrong: This Freedom of the Press thing cuts in all Directions, man, you make a Press, go out and buy a Press, you have Freedom of it. America. By Joe MacLeod 6/12/2013

Scratch to Dream

Mr. Wrong: My American Dream of turning an entire week’s worth of paycheck for the Mr. Wrong column into kabillions of millions of dollars is officially over. By Joe MacLeod 6/5/2013
Chillin’ in The City That Sweats

Chillin’ in The City That Sweats

Mr. Wrong: Even if you don’t believe in Global Warming, soon it will be hazy, hot, and hellishly humid here in Baltimore. By Joe MacLeod 5/29/2013

Go For the Giant Cans of Import Beer.

Mr. Wrong: Pari-mutuel Democracy By Joe MacLeod 5/22/2013
Column Helper

Column Helper

Mr. Wrong: Before I begin this week’s “Mr. Wrong” column, I would like to give you an update on the One Hundred and Fifty Dollars and No Cents’ worth of scratch-off lottery tickets I bought with the very first paycheck I received in remuneration for this, the New, Imp By Joe MacLeod 5/8/2013

Mr. Wrong

Mr. Wrong: The City That Leaves the Left-Turn Blinker on By Joe MacLeod 5/1/2013

Still Scratchin’

Mr. Wrong: I bet a lot of people scratch-off some scratch-offs and don’t even realize they won, especially if they are in a dimly lit environment, you know? By Joe MacLeod 4/24/2013

Doing what I love: Scratch-Offs

Mr. Wrong: If I type: “I love to Get Paid,” I receive the sum of 75 cents, I Love that! By Joe MacLeod 4/17/2013

Please Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself

Mr. Wrong: Yeah man, so now I am back, Getting Paid on a weekly basis to leave words on a page for you, the Gentle Reader. It's up to you to read them. By Joe MacLeod 4/10/2013

Best Wishes

Mr. Wrong: Next week is my annually favorite episode of Baltimore’s Best Alternative Weekly, to wit: Best of Baltimore! It is the Best, seriously, there are some other printed-on-paper publications publicating their own Best-ofs out there, but nobody brings the Bes By Joe MacLeod 9/11/2012

Bitter Pizza to Swallow

Mr. Wrong: I HOPE THIS IS A trick or a publicity stunt or a way to get somebody interested in buying into their business, but I read on The Baltimore Sun’s Internet at 4:05 p.m., EDT on June 15, 2012, by Richard Gorelick, all about how Iggies, which is a place that By Joe MacLeod 6/20/2012

I win!

Mr. Wrong: A couple-few weeks ago I announced a contest for people to become Editor-In-Chief of your Baltimore City Paper, or hey, better yet, about how I, me, the writer of the “Mr. Wrong” column, should be Editor-In-Chief. By Joe MacLeod 6/6/2012
Help Wanted

Help Wanted

Mr. Wrong: Have you ever thought about being an Editor-in-Chief of a Major Metropolitan Alternative Newsweekly? Hey, this paper you are holding or web site you are clicking on is looking for a new Editor-in-Chief, did you know that? Yeah, that is gonna be an exc By Joe MacLeod 5/9/2012

Bicycle Issues

Mr. Wrong: Sometimes I walk my bike downhill, seriously. By Joe MacLeod 4/18/2012

Opening Day-After

Mr. Wrong: So this week is Baseball Season, the beginning of it, and I’m totally into it, attending Baseball Games, even though I generally don’t start “paying attention” to Baseball Season, statistically, with “The Standings” and stuff By Joe MacLeod 4/4/2012

Reach for the Skybox

Mr. Wrong: Your server works for tips. By Joe MacLeod 3/21/2012
Ready, Go, Set!

Ready, Go, Set!

Mr. Wrong: So I think it looks like there is probably-maybe gonna be another Baltimore Grand Prix of go-fast cars here on the Streets of Baltimore, and I am in favor of it, because I am in favor of all kinds of events and activities that are supposed to be good for By Joe MacLeod 2/29/2012

Bank Holiday

Mr. Wrong: This is one of my most favorite times of the year, seriously, but not because of the weather, because, like, no offense, even if it’s “good” for February, it’s still February all up in here on the mid-Atlantic chunk of the Eastern Seaboard where I dwell, By Joe MacLeod 2/15/2012
A Big Bowl of Sad

A Big Bowl of Sad

Mr. Wrong: Wow, hey Baltimore, I’m sorry man, nobody wanted to think about Your Baltimore Ravens losing, but damn, nobody ever thought they would go out like that, on a last-minute missed field goal, ouch, seriously, that is, well, it is just Sad, you know? They co By Joe MacLeod 1/25/2012

The End of the Year as We Know it

Mr. Wrong: Hey, it’s a New Year! Did you have a good New Year’s? Are you having a good New Year? It’s a lotta pressure, huh? A shiny New Year! People get all excited about how it’s the End of the year because that means it’s almost the Beginning of the year, when By Joe MacLeod 1/4/2012

Top 10!

Mr. Wrong: Hey, I dunno if you noticed yet as you flip through these pages of paper or pixel, but this week is one of my fave-rave editions of Baltimore’s Listiest Alternative Weekly, namely Top 10, where we, as in all the people who write words into the paper and d By Joe MacLeod 12/14/2011

Major Taser

Mr. Wrong: I don’t like being cut off from reality, and if I corked up my earholes it’d be nothing but the Voices and the Bad Music bouncing around all up in there, no thanks, you know? By Joe MacLeod 11/16/2011

De-Conquista

Mr. Wrong: Next week is Halloween, and no offense, but I am not observing it this year, on account of I am going to be enjoying a vacation in Mexico as a tourist. By Joe MacLeod 10/26/2011

Fundamental Lack of Respect for the Mr. Wrong column

Mr. Wrong: So yeah, the Mr. Wrong column is a lot like Where the Sun Don’t Shine, except it is an Award-Winning Where the Sun Don’t Shine for the year Two Thousand and Eleven, see? By Joe MacLeod 10/5/2011

Chicanery

Mr. Wrong: I am still hyped about this Grand Prix that is gonna happen here in Baltimore, Maryland, America. By Joe MacLeod 8/24/2011

It is an Honor to be Nominated But it is Always Better to Win

Mr. Wrong: The Mr. Wrong column has been selected as the “First Place,” i.e., the “best” column in the Association of Alternative Newsmedia “AAN Awards” By Joe MacLeod 8/3/2011
It Is An Honor Just To Be Nominated

It Is An Honor Just To Be Nominated

Mr. Wrong: From the Wireless Keyboard office in The Future in my new Temporary Headquarters within the Wynn Hotel Las Vegas, Nevada, Earth. By Joe MacLeod 7/13/2011
Aggregated

Aggregated

Mr. Wrong: There’s a lot of crap out there on the Internet that I don’t understand. By Joe MacLeod 6/15/2011

Mission Accomplished

Mr. Wrong: I am gonna miss Osama Bin Laden. Now please don’t let me be misunderstood here, OBL getting double-tapped out doesn’t change anything for the thousands who got blown up in the towers or killed fighting wars in all the places we (as in U.S.) have been warr By Joe MacLeod 5/4/2011
Taxation Combination

Taxation Combination

Mr. Wrong: I don’t wanna harsh anybody’s mellow or anything, but the deadline for filing the Income Taxes here in the State of Maryland is April 15. By Joe MacLeod 3/30/2011
The Pain Never Ends

The Pain Never Ends

Mr. Wrong: "I subscribe to the Kubrick policy about discussing your own work, to wit: Do not." By Joe MacLeod 2/23/2011

Meathead-itis

Mr. Wrong: So Your Baltimore Ravens did not advance further into the Playoffs after surviving the “Wild Card”—or something like that. As with so many other things it’s kinda hazy for me, like they were in the “Wild Card” and they won, but then they were in the “Conf By Joe MacLeod 1/19/2011

Jesus Christ, Get Off The Hon™ Lady's Back Already

Mr. Wrong: I don’t know anything about this lady who owns the Café Hon restaurant except for all the Hate she’s been getting since she Legally Trademarked™ the HON™ thing. By Joe MacLeod 12/22/2010

Thanksgivingfullness' First Finale

Mr. Wrong: Thanksgiving is now, and seriously, Thanksgiving is gravy-stained-hands-down my most favorite of all Holidays-with-a-Captial-H besides Super Bowl. By Joe MacLeod 11/24/2010

The Revolution Will Be Televised

Mr. Wrong: I like teevee, and before there was a Great Recession, I used to fucking mainline it, baby, I mean, I had every flavor of that sweet cable stuff, seriously: Showtime and Home Box and Cinemax and Starz and The Movie Channel, all On-Demand and in Demand By Joe MacLeod 10/27/2010

Fall Preview Review

Mr. Wrong: Fall always used to bum me out because it meant “back to school,” but now that I don’t ever have to go to school anymore (it didn’t work) I am pleased to enjoy Fall for stuff such as fewer brain-frying 90-degree days and, uh, I dunno, less daylight? By Joe MacLeod 9/29/2010

Best Complaint

Mr. Wrong: Complaining about things is a legitimate form of communication, OK? By Joe Macleod 8/25/2010

Archived Columns

> More archived Mr. Wrong columns