Jesus Christ, Get Off The Hon™ Lady's Back Already
Published: December 22, 2010
I don’t know anything about this lady who owns the Café Hon restaurant except for all the Hate she’s been getting since she Legally Trademarked™ the HON™ thing, and I guess she had a case because she runs the “HonFest” here in Baltimore, and does all this “Hon” foolishness, which seems harmless enough but also is like anachronistic or class-hatred somehow, and I definitely reach for my revolver when people start talking about the Good Old Days as far as Racism and stuff and Selective Memory from when TV was in Black and White and so was everything else, if you know what I mean (and I think you do), but like, errbody who is Out There talking about how the Café Hon lady sucks and this Legal Trademark™ is stupid and maybe not even Valid, why do you care? How does this affect your life in the teensiest-weensiest little bit?
You’re mad because this is a Business Lady and she is doing some business? Seriously, I don’t get it, how does this hurt anybody? You had big plans to put HON™ on stuff and now they are ruined? Here, look, I’m gonna make sure HON™ gets put in the big “readout” part of this column in print so you can take it and put it on stuff and be Anarchy.
Go put HON™ on a T-shirt, I don’t think anybody’s stopping you, and as far as your Rights to Free Speech, you got the umbrella of Parody to protect you for all your goofs on this whole HON™ deal, and that’s been pretty entertaining so far, just like how the People of Baltimore have goofed on the National Bohemian “Mr. Boh” cartoon mascot guy for a kabillion years. Somebody’s making money on the Official Version of that logo, and last time I looked at that lowercase-b b newspaper The Baltimore Sun puts out, they had an Official Version in there that I guess is provided as/for Valuable Promotional Consideration so they can put the Mr. Boh guy, and Jesus, that is some brackish pisswater of a beer, bleagh. Feh. I mean, c’mon, I’ll drink it, because it is beer, but they don’t even make that shit in Baltimore, and there’s all kindsa other cheap beer that tastes better, but if you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon or something it means you are a poseur of some sort, being all, “Hey, look how ‘Low Rent’ I am drinking this Common Beer, in the manner of the American Working Man,” but I enjoy all the goofs on the “Mr. Boh” guy. And it’s the same thing with this HON™ lady, I know, it is pretending to be “trashy” and “tacky” and “outrageous,” and somehow it offends a li’l bit, personally, I gotta admit it, I get a little eye-roll-ish when I see the contest to be a “Hon,” and the weird wigs and kids in ’em and dogs in ’em, but ultimately it’s just a buncha people looking for something to do, right? So they are playing dress-up, and if I don’t like it I am some kinda snob or whatever, OK, fine, so I just look the other way, so as not to offend my Delicate Sensibilities, man.
It’s not my Reindeer Game, but no reason to get out the blowtorch and try to burn this lady’s playhouse down. And yeah, I guess it is putting a lot of money in this lady’s pocket, I guess? But carping about this HON™ thing, this is Hatred on the Player, totally. She made the move. You coulda made the move, but you didn’t. And if you are, like, “Well, yeah, but nobody shoulda done a ‘TM’ on that shit,” then, well, again, who cares? It’s like, sure, make fun of this ridiculous thing, but don’t get all personal on this Hon Lady. I read some stuff in the newspaper about this, and there was an Editorial saying basically it’s bullshit to Trademark™ HON™, and I was wondering if maybe somebody with even more time on their hands would go to court and then there’d probably be photo ops of the Hon Lady all in her Hon drag going to court and being kind of a whiner like she was about how the City wanted to charge her more money to have that stupid giant flamingo on the front of her restaurant, but anyway, mostly I read all the “comments” on the Sun site and the City Paper site, and it’s all this ad hominem, man, really harshing on her, how she’s a psycho, and avaricious, and a crappy boss, and then people are all like, talking about how the food sucks at her restaurant, and I think City Paper gave them “Best Bacon” or something once, but as far as the food sucking, like, OK, that’s totally your opinion, man, and I haven’t eaten there in a long time (I stop in to the bar part every once in a while because, well: beer) but I went there once for breakfast and it was OK, I just thought it was kind of expensive, and, I mean, they got a shout-out from grandparents.com as a place to take your little nose-pickers, so I’m not the target demo, and probably neither are you, right? Anyway, I guess ritual effigy-burnings and goofs on this whole HON™ thing will be entertaining, but why make it personal, even if she is a greedy nutjob?
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