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Mr. Wrong

D-Plus!

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU PAY ATTENTION to stuff, but last week they (and you know who They are) made smoking weed legal, somehow, in the states of Colorado and Washington, America, and David Brooks, who is a big important Columnist in The New York Times, in New York, took the opportunity to exhale a column about how he smoked weed a long time ago and he doesn’t think people should smoke it because they will become losers or something, and I saw a lot of people made fun of him, on the Internet, for being a boring columnist who doesn’t want to party and stuff, I dunno, he doesn’t have to smoke weed and he can think whatever he wants about if other people should smoke weed legally, and yeah, maybe he probably thinks he’s smarter than people who smoke weed, and that he is better, somehow, because they smoke the weed he does not, and so his mind is sharper, which again, he is entitled to his opinions, and I think he’s a hundred percent right when he says more people will smoke pot where it’s legal, and that the price will go down because supply is gonna go up. So David Brooks did what one is supposed to do as a Columnist, man, he Columned! Weed!

Speaking of Columning, The New York Times columnist I’m wa-aaay more interested in than the not-pot-smoking columnist is this guy NICHOLAS KRISTOF, who also poops out a column on the pages and Web pages of The New York Times (“The Grey Lady,” if you will, of newspapering), and MR. KRISTOF announced in his “On the Ground” blog that he has decided he does not want to print his middle initial in the “byline” area of his columning:

If you look closely at my Times byline, beginning with Thursday’s column, you’ll notice something odd. Well, actually, you probably won’t notice it.
I’ve knocked out my middle initial for the new year. I acquired it in my byline because as a college journalist at The Harvard Crimson, we were all encouraged to use full names with middle initials.

FYI the “byline” is the place in a newspaper where one puts who the writing is by, prepositionally. So look, MR. NO MIDDLE INITIAL in The New York Times can do whatever he wants, and he does not have to wait around to be accepted by anybody! In fact, I support this guy doing this unless it is for the purposes of perpetrating a Felony, or some Dope-Smoking where it is not Legal, in which case I have no knowledge of these activities and did not inhale.

You know, I almost even admire NICHOLAS FORMERLY-D KRISTOF of The New York Times, a “Paper of Record,” if you will, but it’s kinda disappointing a Columnist who is Pro enough to be in The New York Times as a Newspaper Columnist didn’t write a proper Newspaper Column about his Middle Initial-ectomy, so I am taking this opportunity to announce that, until further notice, The “Mr. Wrong” column will be bylined as BY JOE M.D. MACLEOD, which is me stepping up my game, intialswise, to include my own personal middle-name first letter, “M.,” and additionally appropriating THE COLUMNIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF's letter “D,” initially from his middle. Yeah! I am telling errbody “M.D..” stands for “MAKES DECISIONS.” And I didn’t even go to Harvard! Cheers to you, FORMERLY-D for this Bold Move forward into your Columning, and I thank you Personally and Professionally for the Opportunity to squeeze 900-plus words of Column out of a single solitary letter! D!

Where would we be if JESUS H. CHRIST decided He wanted to drop his G_d-Given middle initial? Or ULYSSES S. GRANT, who, and this is just a theory, has so many letter “S”s in his name it’s probably a typo, the “S” in S. GRANT? Plus I heard he was a souse, no offense, the POTUS. Souse begins with “S,” did you notice? Also, coincidentally, in terms of “S,” I have heard a katrillion-jillion times PRESIDENT HARRY S. TRUMAN did not have a “real” middle initial, so he Invented one and jammed it in there so people would trust him, in his name, but this could be apocryphal, or so I am told.

I am not a Serious Person, so I tend to avoid the “Op Ed page” or whatever, except to look at the cartoons, and until this, I have never, wittingly, read a little bit of one of the columns bylined by NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF, so I don’t know if his self-removal of a middle initial is a “cry for help” or whatever, and there could be many profound personal reasons for MR. KRISTOF to do this, and I’m not here to take issue with him or his middle initial, deceased, because there could be all kinds of perfectly acceptable explanations for this action, and it might even be for a painful reason which is none of anybody’s business, including all the people who read his blog and saw he is de-rezzing his middle letter, but ultimately, c’mon, man, I’m looking at the title of this blog MR. LESS THAN D has headlined “What’s Missing in My Byline?” and that’s like an 8-year old asking you to guess what he’s got in his pocket. Are you kidding me? Who cares? Go do something constructive if you want some attention, like write a column. Hey, I wonder if NICHOLAS (SPACE) KRISTOF got rid of his middle initial because he smoked a whole bunch of pot and the “D” just started to look weird?

Please listen to Jim and Joe’s Top-Rated Podcast (NSFW), also featuring City Paper’s “Spitballin’” columnist Jim J. Meyer, at backoftheclassguys.com, or the iTunes, even. Email: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.

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