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Mr. Wrong

Chillin’ in The City That Sweats

Photo: Mel Guapo, special to the “Mr. Wrong” column, License: N/A

Mel Guapo, special to the “Mr. Wrong” column

Next week: the final scratchdown results of blowing an entire “mr. Wrong” paycheck on scratch-offs.

Even if you don’t believe in Global Warming, soon it will be hazy, hot, and hellishly humid here in Baltimore, and if you are lucky enough to: 1.) Have a job, and 2.) Have a job indoors, soon it will be time to complain or listen to complaints with respect to: 1.) The Weather, and: 2.) The workplace Air Conditioning.

Here at the Summer Headquarters of the “Mr. Wrong” column (the same HQ as the other seasons but there is a fan on) I understand all about complaining, man. Complaining is like, a valid form of Communication, you know? I complain about all kinds of stuff. It is my right and some would say duty as an American to complain about crappy service I receive in restaurants, what color M&Ms are supposed to be (the Blue M&M is bad), and places that put the pizza toppings under the cheese on a pizza. Important things, yes, also, if you complain about them long enough, important things you might possibly change. Complaining about the Air Conditioning is related to complaining about the weather, as in, people complain about the weather, and how hot it is, and how humid it is, but there is nothing you can do about it, the Weather. I’m not talking about Global Warming, man, I’m talking about how it gets hot here in Baltimore, historically, and all you can do is deal with it; stay out of the sun, take a siesta, carry a parasol or wear a hat on your head to avoid the heat stroke, have a siesta, remain well hydrated, keep a map of where the good snowball stands are, explore the possibilities of experiencing a siesta. The weather will kill you! You can’t change it! Adapt! Deal! We The People don’t have a whole lot of control over whatever weather is occurring! We are at its mercy!

Once you come in out of the weather, into the Office Environment, you are at the mercy of the Air Conditioning! When it’s not working, the office is united. “Hey the Air Conditioning is not working! I’m melting! Fix it!”

When it’s working, however, the office Air Conditioning becomes a divider, not a uniter. “Hey, the Air Conditioning is not Conditioning enough, lower it!” Or “hey the Air Conditioning is conditioning way too much air and part of my ‘Casual Friday’ office wardrobe has revealed itself to be NSFW, raise it!” Or “Hey! When you said ‘lower’ the Air Conditioning, did you mean to encolden the air or to un-encoldenate the Air, Conditioning-wise, because I am perspiring here while attempting to enjoy my complimentary office donut!”

You need to be Air-Considerate of Others if you control the office Air Conditioning. If you are a large-bodymass person sitting a mile away from the office Air Conditioning unit or vent, and you are perspiring great moons of perspiration under your arm areas on your office shirt, and you are at the mercy of a tiny-bodymass person shivering in a sweater as they sit right in front of the office Air Conditioning unit or vent, you might want to get Proactive and discuss a game of Musical Desks, on a Seasonal basis, you know? If you are a little bit colder than the average office-worker, you should always have an office sweater available. If you are a Heavy Sweater, I strongly recommend you also invest in one of those tiny clip-on fans they sell at the Auto Parts store, and you can have a cool breeze blowing onto your face, which will relax you perfectly while providing soothing “White Noise” for your office siesta!

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