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Charm City Porn Star

The sins you never had the courage to commit

Photo: J.M. Giordano, License: N/A, Created: 2010:03:14 03:56:24

J.M. Giordano


I was checking my DVR on a recent Sunday and caught the season finale of Saturday Night Live, and of course they do a scathing sketch mocking us porn stars. It never ceases to amaze me just how much attention and what an incredible level of scorn and derision we who perform in the perfectly legal, profitable, and taxed adult industry experience on a daily basis, not just in real life, but specifically these days from the media.

I find it astonishing because there are probably fewer than a thousand of us performers (9-to-1 female to men) in the entirety of the United States and probably fewer than a few thousand of us actively shooting adult porn stars in the entire world. So we are really talking about the smallest cross section of demographics that you can possibly slice. Yet it never fails that every single late-night comic monologue and sketch-comedy show includes at least one, if not several, jokes or comic bits mocking us X-rated actors. I ask you: What other subculture receives such an avalanche of mockery in relation to such a tiny, tiny section of population that we are?

Now, to be fair, I do stand-up comedy in L.A. and I make jokes about us too, but that’s OK, because it’s self-mockery, like a Jewish comic telling Jewish jokes. But the porn comedy from outside-the-adult-industry comics always seem to have a darker, meaner, condescending attitude, like the accepted conceit, the punchline to all their porn jokes is that porn stars are not only somehow subhuman but also completely fair game to be ridiculed ruthlessly for this said, erroneously widely accepted “subhuman” status.

Now, I understand the fascination. We adult-film stars have the kind of sex regularly that most people only ever fantasize about. Henry David Thoreau once said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” and this surely applies equally to the erotic desires known only to you and your internet provider. So it makes sense that you non-porn folk (or “civilians,” as we in the “Jizz Biz” refer to you) would find us so fascinating. I’m sure it’s part titillation, part lust, part envy, and yes, part watching a car crash on the side of the freeway that you know you aren’t supposed to look at but just can’t tear yourself away from.

But I think you are also a little intimidated by us. We are free. Like Oscar Wilde, “You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.” We who work in porn have lifestyles that are so extreme that maybe we do warrant this kind of attention (scorn hidden with humor), because our level of openness is at the vanguard of societal attitudes, and it is always the pioneers who get the arrows. For example, most people’s biggest fear is that an image of themselves naked will appear online. I, however, post a picture of myself naked having sex with a new woman nearly every day. Our freedom is what scares you, and as everybody knows: What humans fear, they try to destroy, hence the incessant mockery.

And to be fair, all of the elements that we are mocked for are, sadly, somewhat based in reality. There are some girls with basketball-sized boob implants and guys with mutant horse-cocks that are so cartoonish as to befit and deserve some lampooning. And yes, our porn plots are mostly corny, and indeed, a lot of performers, unfortunately, are damaged people on drugs. However, if your opinion of porn is low, then to make fun of these individuals is not only bad form (almost akin to kicking someone when they are down) but also skews the larger, more correct picture, because there are many of us who work in the skin trade who are NOT your stereotypical image of a fucked-up porn star.

For example, I earned a B.A. from the University of Maryland-College Park; Asia Carerra is a member of Mensa; Scott Styles was an actual NASA rocket scientist before porn; and the most famous porn star of all, Ron Jeremy, has a master’s degree in special education. So before you think we are all drugged-up weirdos who bottomed out in porn, understand this: I wouldn’t trade jobs with hardly any one of you reading this. Ever. But I’m guessing there are quite a few of you out there who would like to have had my career—hot sex with the 1,400-plus women, including Penthouse Pets and Playboy models. So I’m not complaining. Let them mock us. I still get to be me and I wasn’t naive to the gig when I signed up. And if that’s the best they can do, I still feel like I win.

Follow Kurt at @KurtlockwoodXXX

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