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Mr. Wrong

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There’s a lot of crap out there on the Internet that I don’t understand, and the newest to me is “paper.li” which I’ll get to it in a sec, but for now it is sufficient for me to say that this “paper.li” thing is like a lot of things I don’t understand, on account of I don’t want to understand it, and it is making me mad, the same way math and thinking makes me mad. Pour example, I have a Twitter, which is where you make text messages to sort of an opt-in place on the Internet, and I make my tweeters most frequently under the aegis of @JOEMACLEOD666 Twitter-name, which is called a “handle,” I think, just like they have on the CB radio (it still exists) so that all the Internet dodos can do that thing where they slag on something people are having fun with (too much fun, for some Trending photo-tweeterers out there, eh? Hiyo.) so the tweet-haters, they go like “well Twitter totally sucks it because it’s just the new CB radio where a whole bunch of Unskilled Labor can go on it and do stuff therefore it is crappy because America, etc.”

But I just have Fun Times with my twits, and have several hundred followers who for some reason have decided they want to read my tweeterings as they shows up in their Twitter “Time Line,” and that’s cool, but mostly I Type Crap 99.9% for my own amusement, like sometimes somebody will start one of these “hashtag games,” where there is a premise for to make fun tweetsers about, such as somebody sent out “#StoresToAvoid,” and everybody in the whole world that is on the Tweet can start goofing on it and make up names of stores to avoid. I put up a few, and here are the, er, highlights:

SWORDS R US #StoresToAvoid, FOREVER 81 #StoresToAvoid, KKKMART #StoresToAvoid, BURLINGTON GOAT FACTORY #StoresToAvoid, LANE BRYANT GUMBEL #StoresToAvoid, GAP KIDS LINGERIE #StoresToAvoid, L’EGGS HANES BALI PLAYTEX CINNABON FACTORY OUTLET #StoresToAvoid, USED MATTRESS DISCOUNTERS #StoresToAvoid, RADIO SHAKE SHACK #StoresToAvoid, ABERZOMBIE & FITCH #StoresToAvoid, VICTORIA’S SECRETE #StoresToAvoid, BED BATH & BOLOGNA #StoresToAvoid, 2PACSUN #StoresToAvoid, DRESSBARN FOR HIM #StoresToAvoid, MANSON FAMILY DOLLAR #StoresToAvoid

I totally cracked myself up with manson family dollar, and some of the other ones mildly amused a few people on Twitter because they did the thing where they make a specific tweet a “favorite,” or they push it along and “re-tweet” that thing to their followers who are more than likely not my followers and they tell two friends and so on, and so on, so it spreads like a weirdo arbitrary creeper-weed through the tweeter-totters, and then sometimes a Robot picks it up and sends you a spam because there’s a keyword like “JOB,” (as in employment) or “KREAYSHAWN,” (the newer and snottier and hip-hoppier KE$HA) or “SERIAL NUMBER CRACKS FOR ADOBE CS5,” and it feels kinda weird when some dirty Robot homes in on your signal and spits some creepy indecipherable Web site at you in the hopes of spamming your simple Twitter ass. It is a Violation.

Deeper still, there’s this paper.li thing where people can set up a page and make content for their page in part based on my crap, and that is called, I think “aggregating,” and it’s weird and stupid and this crumb-snatcher Daniel Waldman needs to quit showing everybody my twits on his http://paper.li/danieldubya/1307499135 page because it makes it look like I Endorse or am Employed by that shit, especially when he bleats out a tweet like:

Bmore Peeps is out! http://bit.ly/jZxYVh Top stories today via @joemacleod666 @theclj @neudesigns @aresef

And like, it’s all Legal and stuff, because he goes by the Twitter custom of saying “via” to show where you got something, and he’s got this Twit-list of Tweeters

@CharmCityMa @JeSuisAnnie @JustineMaki @Mary_Spiro @briansacawa @jeanneb @zackpund @neudesigns @laurenbflax @mullallyheather @chrismaddox @jeffw171 @eangel427 @MandeeYardz @soignefromage @julesmck @lilasc @stephencearley @benkutil @SushGirl @HappyTown11 @JOEMACLEOD666 @andyrosen @rachelbernstein @subelsky @kbladow @reneelbeck @kararedman @TheCLJ @KittyKate19 @Bmorejourno @theandystratton @roswellencina @EmmaHayden @ohheyitscaitlin @JessCPlatt @aresef @epiphanyinbmore @amygarland @Karrla_LK @alsnyder02 @FederalKill @platypotamus @nancethepants @mvkel @lizrawr

he is probably using to feed his page, but that’s fair when it’s on Twitter, man, not on your pooped-out-aggre-paper, and there’s my stupid tweet (which was more accurately a Re-to-the-Tweet of somebody else’s Tweet where he found a crazy-ass dining set for sale on the Craigslist). Alls I did was re-poop it but this @danieldubya put my Tweeter-picture next to it, and so it looks like I am Contributing to his Reindeer Game, and since I never heard a ka-ching! I am not involved. I mean, I made a tweet about looking for a Hayward ASL Filter Lid for a Model 1250, and this goofball puts it on his page like it’s a News Item or something. And also, this guy says he is “Web-savvy PR guy. Love to cook, hate to clean, love to laugh. President of Evolve Communications,” and on his Web site http://simplyevolve.com/ he is all about Social-Media’ing advertising campaigns, and that means he is out to make Money, so I want mine, see? Otherwise you are a Parasite, leeching off my Brain Cells, and I want to rip your sucker off my Moneymaker, dig?

I could officially Block him on Twitter, but I don’t know if that’s enough to stop an Internet sucker-fish from feeding. Plus I just Got Paid to poop out this column about it, but not by him, and it’s not the Money, man, it’s the Principle of the thing, and the Principle of the thing is the Money. Pay up or disconnect, parasite.

twitter.com/#!/JOEMACLEOD666

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