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Best Reason We Should Invite You to the City Paper Best Of Baltimore Party

“Because I still read the City Paper in PRINT.”

Photo: Sam Holden, License: N/A

Sam Holden

John Waters and Rodney Henry


The rest of the Reasons We Should Invite You to The City Paper best of Baltimore Party

• ...i am a former derby girl..from the early days.. .......CAMILLE TOE...........

• 38 and no kids to hold me back...I always show up...no emergency situations come up that would make me back out

• A consolation prize for Mr. Soderberg’s unintentional but incredibly inconveniently executed article about my arts space? (The Broom Factory/BFF)

• a-today (Aug 1) is my fucking birthday b-i write letters regularly to your paper- you printed my first poem ever to see print last year! c- i worship EE JR.....!

• After four years living in the city, I’ve committed to staying indefinitely. I’ve never been to the Best of Baltimore, and I’m obviously well past due! Plus, I need a good excuse to get a great cocktail dress.

• After living in this city for the past 5 year I have embraced the warmth and culture of its patrons and locals.Baltimore is a true city to its roots, although it has its rough outside the heart of the city, the dining and people are beautiful. I am happy to call this my home. Baltimore leaves me wanting more.

• BC I JUST HIT A MERCEDES BENZ AN HOUR AGO AND NOW IM BROKE AND NEED CHEERING UP :P

• Because “Best Bar Crawl Company” wasn’t a category, and I’m hoping “Crawl Baltimore” can get an honorable mention? Just saying :)

• Because after 22 years in Baltimore I should get something cool for living in this town.

• Because as you can clearly see, I have not yet introduced to the best of what Baltimore has to offer. This would be a great way for me to experience a little of everything at one time.

• Because Baltimore is the best place in the world to meet the greatest people!! Nothing beats living downtown and enjoying the sites and sounds of a great city!

• Because celebrating local businesses is important! Any occasion to celebrate the unique and different that is Baltimore, is a party I want to attend!

• Because every awesome party needs a troupe of bellydancers.

• Because I don’t come to Baltimore enough and I want to experience the best of the best.

• Because I don’t get out enough.

• because I feel like after filling this out I really don’t know enough about baltimore!

• because I fell in love with this town almost 25 years ago kicking and screaming and haven’t left yet. Being newly separated, I have rediscovered the city anew and am blissfully surprised how much variety and options Baltimore has to offer...if you just look a little.

• Because I grew up here, moved away, and then came back. Baltimore is my home.

• Because I have a 3 year old daughter and another one on the way. I don’t get out much. Thanks

• Because I have a full length patchwork leather coat, and I will wear it with an afro.

• Because I love Baltimore and I’m moving to Bangkok soon!

• Because I love Baltimore, and promise to wear lots of neon!

• Because I recently stopped commuting to DC, took a job at a nonprofit in Baltimore City and I’m anxious to meet new people and get to know the city better!

• Because I took the time to fill out this poll, to boost your hits, to provide free-of-charge content for your site/publication.

• Because I was there last year and had an amazing time!

• Because I will basically be like a free photographer who will document everything from people to venue to food...especially the food.

• Because I will happily drive my ass down from the Boston suburbs, support the local economy and not make an ass of myself.

• Because I won’t get in the way and I know how to share. Thanks!

• Because I would dress my cat up like John Waters and bring him on a leash as my date. Do the (cat) creep!

• Because I write a local menswear blog, and Baltimore still hurts fashion-wise.

• Because I’d be REALLY good at eating and drinking.

• because I’d be the only shark-hugging, motorcycle-building, moped-ganging, queer-activist musician chick there.

• Because I’ll be really happy and grateful and I genuinely love this city. It will also be my fifth anniversary.

• because i’ll bring my colleague damon talbot who ignored this question

• Because I’m a cheap date!

• Because I’m a Jew and we are sparce here in Baltimore City. Don’t you have a quota to fill?

• Because I’m a librarian, an urban cyclist and a beekeeper. Also because you like me more than some other people.

• Because I’m a mature woman of taste and discernment, and I’m still freakin’ hot!!

• Because I’m a poor teacher that owes my girlfriend a date. Plus we’re gay so we’ll diversify the party for the pictures.

• Because I’ve lost all faith in ever getting an invite, and I’m sick of seeing pictures of Dana & Josh living it up at the party year after year on Instagram.

• Because if drunk enough, I will sing opera. Maybe, now that I think about it, that’s a reason not to invite me.

• Because my boyfriend and I will show up dressed as Ned and (dead) Maude Flanders.

• Because my husband and I need a spicy date.

• Because my name is Devonshire and I’m 100% sure you don’t have one of those on your guest list. Might as well add me, you won’t regret it! Oh, and because I’m still learning about Baltimore (transplant), so schmoozing with the people that know best would be AWESOME!

• Because none of my favorites will win.

• Because you owe me. You know what I mean. Remember that time I held your hair when you puked after that crazy party? It was on 23rd amd Maryland. There was a group of super sketchy people watching, and I was like, “Woah! Get back! They’re just a little sick! Food poisoning!” Because you don’t want sketchy people that hang out around there to know you’re damn near black out drunk. Remember that? Yeah. You owe me.

• Cause I’m over 65 and still nominating best of baltimore categories!

• Going back to the good old days of O’s baseball, I will borrow their catch-phrase and ask you, “Why not?”

• Grappling hook!

• I am a great dancer, i stand out in a crowd, i make friends everywhere i go, but most importantly, I AM ON THE COVER OF THE SIZZLIN’ SUMMER ISSUE. 5/15, I am the one with the poofy hair and a flamingo in my mouth.

• I am a Kindergarten teacher and have been working for North Avenue all summer. I’ve been so busy working, now school is going to start soon and I feel like I didn’t even get a summer vacation!

• Going to the Best of Baltimore Party would be a great time to take the break I need, have some fun, and celebrate this great city I live in!

• I am a local musician and resident supporting all local busines art and music for all my life.

I am a performer who has worked all over the country. Baltimore is my favorite city and I am very enthusiastic about it! My wife and I just bought a house in Station North, and we absolutely love it here!

• I am a recent college graduate who lives at home with my parents, working three jobs to save enough to move out & also maintain enough money to drink beer on weekends. I want to go to the Best of Baltimore Party because I love Baltimore and if I had a free ticket, I could use the money I would’ve spent on a ticket on beer instead.

• I can drink a gallon of rum in 3 hours. And then the FUN Begins!

• I can sing, dance, act, play guitar, write, and do a handstand for, like, an hour. Underwater. With no trunks on.

• I can tell jokes, sing songs, and charm the pants off most anyone.

• I cover Baltimore and Maryland sports for the website Baltimore Sports Talk. As editor, I’ve appeared on the podcast the J and J Show and have had my writers attend numerous sporting event in the region, including the Ravens’ visit to the White House in May and their trip to Ripken Stadium for the Lardarius Webb Softball Classic.

• I didn’t hesitate to e-mail the Mayor’s office about the impact that poor detours caused by road closures during Artscape had on on bus riders! We’re supposed to be a major city--why are people punished for relying on public transportation?

• I do cruel experiments on children for a living.

• I give drunk head.

• I grew up on Baltimore street and later in Hampden, played with a rubber rat in Normals, worked in the inner harbor for the majority of my adulthood. I washed dishes in the basement of common ground and sweated through my clothes. I’ve had my baby pictures published in a book my mother put out through atomic books and I’ve even had my picture in the city paper. But I’ve never been to a city paper best of baltimore party god dammit so like...cross that off my bucket list.

• I have a fake butt on demand that I can wear on my tiny frame and it brings down the house!

• I hosted McDonald’s Night at the Windup Space. Clearly I need to get out more and experience something somewhat “cultural”.

• Yeah... you probably shouldn’t. I’d only complain about how there was not “Best Yarn Shop” or “Best Literary Club” category, and no one wants that, right? Have fun. I’ll stay in and read... or knit... I guess.

• So I don’t have to go to the B Paper version instead, which is probably out of town or in the suburbs or something.

• I’ll bring my homebrew and my banjo.

Editor’s note: Due to the early Best of Baltimore deadline,This Modern World” and “Murder Ink” will appear online this week. We will run two “This Modern World” comics next week.

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