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Power Rankings

Baltimore City Power Rankings

Photo: Illustrations by Alex Fine, License: N/A

Illustrations by Alex Fine



Like the discovery of Atlantis, communication with alien life-forms, and the second coming of the Messiah, we thought it would never happen—but it’s happening: The MARC train will start running between Baltimore and D.C. on weekends. Or at least that’s what the MTA is promising, after the passage of a $4.4-billion transportation bill that includes $100 million in upgrades to the commuter line, along with a 4-cent increase in the state gas tax. Would it be pushing it to ask for 24-hour service and to allow bikes on board?

2 Class of 2013

Seniors at Hopkins, MICA, Loyola, Morgan, Goucher, Peabody, and all the other local colleges have been contributing to our local economy (bars, pizza joints, and adjunct professors primarily, but still) for the last four (or more) years. Some of you have even interned here at Baltimore’s most collegiate weekly. To those of you who have come to love Charm City and are looking to contribute to the wealth of ideas, energy, and DIY spirit here, welcome to post-grad life in Baltimore.

3 Orioles

Don’t get us wrong, we’re not giving up on the Birds, but at press time, they’ve lost six in a row—matching last year’s longest losing streak, and the streaking Yankees are in town. With holes in the starting rotation and second base, and even the once rock-solid bullpen faltering, it’s time to Buckle the fuckle up and get things flying in the right direction.

4 Preakness

We saw all the spiffy dudes, drunken douches, and terrible music (Pitbull should be arrested for giving the dogs a bad name) that we expected, adding up to more than 117,000 in attendance—the fourth largest crowd ever—and Baltimore looked mostly (again, Pitbull) respectable on the national stage. Even though local horse Orb didn’t win, at least that half-horse, half-jackass Kegasus was retired.

5 Voice Media

OK, this one’s a bit thin, Baltimore-wise, but VM (DISCLOSURE: a City Paper advertising partner), publishers of the legendary Village Voice, has been “cutting costs” and finally they have cut beyond muscle and bone, into their own brain, firing 29-year veteran La Dolce Musto columnist Michael Musto, the most alive part of the Voice (though, DISCLOSURE: our own Mr. Wrong beat Musto for Alternative News Media’s “Best Columnist” award a couple years back). This seems like a final-final-final reason for people to stop picking up the Voice. People will still click on their site to see semi-nude hipsters, so maybe that’s the business model.



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