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Power Rankings

Baltimore City Power Rankings

Photo: Illustrations by Alex Fine, License: N/A

Illustrations by Alex Fine


 

1 Earl Weaver

The Orioles announced that they’ll wear a patch on their uniforms memorializing No. 4, who died in January at age 82, all season long. Here’s hoping that Weaver’s feisty spirit and commitment to the Oriole Way (good pitching, defense, and three-run homers) stay with the team for this season and beyond.

2 Olympics

The U.S. Olympic Committee approached the city last week to gauge its interest in submitting a bid to host the Summer Games in 2024. Needless to say, with Baltimore’s seemingly endless infrastructure issues (sinkholes and water main breaks and power outages, oh my!), not to mention its miserable financial condition (which we’ll have to take Il Mayore’s word on since she shut down robust audits of city government), this is a terrible, terrible idea. Still, it would be better here than in D.C.

3 Smoking

Maryland Stadium Authority announced that it’s banning smoking throughout M&T Bank Stadium and Camden Yards, eliminating the previously designated smoking areas. Is this some kind of reward for the Orioles and Ravens having successful seasons? Now we get to see games in Disneyland? How long before ushers institute a swear-jar policy?

4 Berger Cookies

The venerable cookie factory, symbol of all things fudgy/Baltimore, has apparently been operating without a license—who knew? The health department says once they pay the $500 fee for a permit, the cookies will reappear on store shelves. But City Paper reports that the FDA has found violations as part of its own ongoing investigation. Just bring the cookies back, OK? The last thing this city needs is cookie riots.

5 Preakness

In 2009, when organizers barred fans from carting in their own beer, the Preakness infield transformed from lawless, port-o-potty gauntlet-running mound of mayhem to homogenized, wristband-based music-and-beer festival, indistinguishable from the countless others that tour through the area. (It’s not like you can really see any “horses” from in there—infield lifers like us can’t even confirm their existence.) But with the announcement of lousiest-common-denominator acts Pitbull and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis as headliners, “InfieldFest” has sunk to new depths.

 

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