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Power Rankings

Baltimore City Power Rankings

Photo: Illustrations by Alex Fine, License: N/A

Illustrations by Alex Fine


 

1 Jack and Jackie Harbaugh

If it weren’t for these two and their progeny, the Super Bowl might be a showdown between the Patriots and Falcons. Thank goodness Jack, himself a one-time football player and coach, passed on his pigskin prowess and bright white teeth to our Harbaugh. Of course, mom and dad can’t pick favorites, but something tells us they’ll be sporting purple underwear Feb. 3 and rooting for their firstborn.

2 Joe Flacco

Defying the dreaded Sports Illustrated curse, Joe Cool continues his hater-shredding playoff run, which now includes eight touchdown passes and zero interceptions. And even though he’s from South Jersey, he’s got the Bawlmore accent and uncomfortable disposition nailed, just like Michael Phelps (an honorable mention this week for trekking up to Boston to support the team and tweeting trash talk on all the bad calls).

3 Ray Lewis

The last ride rolls on as number 52’s leadership continues to push this hardscrabble team to ever-greater heights. The odd, prophet-like behavior multiplied this week, starting with sobbing during the national anthem, then going supine post-game, and ending with the odder-than-odd sight of owner Steve Bischotti lovingly stroking the massive linebacker’s forearm in the after-game press conference. Caw!

4 Anquan Boldin

He’s been called old, slow, past his prime, but Q was arguably the surest hero of the AFC Championship game, finishing with five key catches and two touchdowns. In the playoff run, he’s caught for 276 yards and three touchdowns. He’ll stand in on the BCPR for the countless other Ravens who have been counted out and underestimated but stood up to make crucial contributions on this improbable run.

5 Bill Belichick

Yeah, Brady’s a crybaby and Buzzfeed is bogus for posting a Twitter-sourced story hyping the “bizarre” celebratory gunshots (or were those fireworks?) heard around town after the game, but the single biggest loser has to be yellow-bellied Belichick, who, besides “looking like he found his wardrobe in a hobo’s giveaway pile,” as CP columnist Jim Meyer put it, refused on-field interviews after the game, leading former Raven Shannon Sharpe to say, “You can’t be a poor sport all the time.”

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