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Power Rankings

Baltimore City Power Rankings

Photo: Illustrations by Alex Fine, License: N/A

Illustrations by Alex Fine


 

1 Orioles

O’s end dream season with a Game Five fall to the Soulless Yankees, who continue to fuel postseason efforts with overpaid, underperforming unmotivated superstars, who, in a city of eight million, can’t fill their Soulless Stadium for playoff baseball. We’ll take our passionate strivers—who reminded us that Baltimore was once a baseball city—over them any day. BCPR hasn’t felt this good going into the off-season in a loooong time.

2 Guns

The semiautomatic scourge of Baltimore and cities nationwide expands its grip again. Murders, at 174 so far this year, are on pace to outnumber last year and, worse yet, schools kids are increasingly strapped: In addition to the Perry Hall shooting earlier this year, this week at Deer Park Middle Magnet—a middle school—students trading a .380-caliber Bersa for an Xbox were only foiled when one was found with live ammo in his jeans. Time out! Disarm!

3 Joan Pratt

Look, we’re all over Il Mayore’s power-grabbing ways, but the city comptroller seems intent on bitterly swinging away at SRB at the city’s peril. This week, backed by Peter Angelos’ law firm, Pratt filed a lawsuit to prevent the mayor from installing a new Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) phone system—the same one Pratt herself wants to install—because she says the mayor subverted the bidding process by using a contractor the city already does business with. Worse, Pratt refuses to meet with the city’s chief information officer to potentially resolve the problem because “he is not my peer.” BCPR thinks she needs a demotion.

4 Andres Alonso

A week after the release of a disastrous report citing two-dozen instances of financial mismanagement, the City Schools CEO drops an “objective, third-party” study of his own, which shows that his funding program is a vast success, but The Sun, who has been on this story like white on loose-leaf paper, reports that the company that wrote the report, in fact, helped implement the program and has been paid over $24,000 by the district since 2008. Fail!

5 Billy Cundiff

The erstwhile Ravens kicker, who was cut from the team in training camp after missing a crucial 32-yard field goal in the 2011 AFC Championship game, was cut from the Washington Redskins over the weekend and may have actually reached the end of a career that looked hugely promising only one year ago. BCPR’s anger has passed—the Raven’s 5-1 start doesn’t hurt—and we wish Cundiff a stalker- and obsession-free retirement.

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