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Power Rankings

Baltimore City Power Rankings

Photo: Illustrations by Alex Fine, License: N/A

Illustrations by Alex Fine


 

1) Orioles

Pennant race? Sellouts in September? Playoff tickets for sale? Yes! It’s happening! Orioles Magic! Yankees Suck!

2) Art Modell

In life, tainted as scourge of Cleveland. In death, true legacy as a lover of the game and a champion of integration recognized. At long last, let him in the Hall of Fame—better late than never. RIP.

3) Martin O’Malley

2016 Presidential candidate, er, uh, Governor O meets, greets anybody with a pulse from early primary states like Iowa and New Hampshire at DNC, gets coveted prime-time speaking slot—but makes Eastwood’s chair look charismatic by comparison. Meet, greet Clinton, stat!

4) Grand Prix

Attendance, TV ratings down from last year—so bad organizers and the city initially refused to release revenue numbers or conduct an economic-impact study. They relented, so we’ll see just how bad it was. Maybe next year we just rally around the Hampdenfest toilet races. (Congrats to Flush Gordon!)

 

 

5) Del. Emmett C. Burns Jr.

Baltimore County Democrat sends letter to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to “take the necessary action” so that Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo “cease(s) and desist(s)” his advocacy of same-sex marriage. Ellen DeGeneres, Keith Olbermann join the rest of sane humanity in slamming the attack on free speech, but Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe puts it best: “Not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain.”

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