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A Good Day to Die Hard

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A Good Day to Die Hard

Directed by John Moore

Now playing

Bruce Willis, America’s posterboy for male-pattern baldness, is back in the sweaty saddle with his catchphrase (wait for it) and his smirk set to autopilot for this, the One Billion-Million-Squillionth iteration of the Die Hard action-hero movie franchise. Someday there will be a final installment, and that one will probably be good, and it’ll probably be titled Die Hardest or maybe Yippee-Die-Yo, Motherfucker, but for now it’s not really any kinda spoiler alert to let you know there will be enough left of Bruce WIllis to sweep up and smoosh into a pile for the next picture.

 

Helping do some of the heavy-lifting, action-y stuff and take off his shirt is Jai Courtney (from cable television’s Spartacus: War of The Damned and the recent Tom Cruiser Jack Reacher) who portrays Jack McClane, manchild to Mr. Willis’ loserfamilias Yippee-Ki-Dad John McClane. We dunno what happened to Bonnie Bedelia, who used to play Mrs. Die Hard. We lost track of her in between Hard 2 and With a Vengeance.

Anyway, there’s a plot and stuff with Russians and some people getting shot, and there are some redonkulous car sequences and guns, so many guns, so many shotguns, machine guns, grenades, rocket-propelled grenades, pistols, knives, and hurtful disparaging verbal assaults, wow. Sebastian Koch is on hand as a guy with a Russian accent, or maybe German, whatever, they are supposed to be in Russia; Mary Elizabeth Winstead shows up to remind you there are regular human females on earth; and Russian fembot Yuliya Snigir is there to pout and wear stockings and a garter belt inappropriately, and to SPOILER ALERT. The standout Bad Guy is Radivoje Bukvic, as Alik, who is just a really mean person, seriously, he’s so mean to Our Heroes, no respect at all.

Yeah, this movie is a piece of shit, destined to rank maybe as at least a tie with Die Hard 2, but look, if you take a firm enough piece of shit, and then get a team of special-effects people to wire it up with explosives and set it on fire and make it fly around and crash it into buildings and cars and helicopters and things, then it will be a somewhat entertaining and diverting piece of shit, good for a laugh, so skippee hi-ho hiedey-hey, motherfucker, turn off your brain, mute your phone, and leave the driving to what’s left of Bruce Willis. He looks to be happy to have us all in on the joke. Running time is a merciful 97 minutes. (Joe MacLeod)

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