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Political Animal  "It's a free country." How often do you hear someone say that phrase? Or, does this lyric ring a bell: "I'm proud to be an American/ where at least I know I'm free." You can never go broke selling something if you put the words "freedom," "liberty," or "American" in it. Just look at the "A" section of the yellow pages. Throw "extreme" in there if you want to sell to anyone under the age of 25. I'm waiting to pass the kiosk in the mall selling american extreme freedom liberty cell phones. It's f ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 7/23/2008

Read Road Rash in Mr. Wrong

Road Rash

Mr. Wrong  I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I got a bike, you know? Yeah, I'm gonna ride all over the place to places where normally I would drive my car, right? Yeah, sure, like to work, or to, uh, church and stuff, or possibly like to go buy ice cream or snacks or some refreshing beverages so I can remain well hydrated after almost falling off my bike because the shift-thing isn't the easiest thing in the world to operate sometimes, seriously. Do they have a bike that has an automatic transmissio ... [MORE]

by Joe MacLeod | 7/23/2008

What Reporters Want

Political Animal  Back in 1992, when I was working on Bill Clinton's first presidential campaign, during the time after the Democratic National Convention, I got in the habit of scrutinizing the state-by-state polls that a startup must-read political newsletter called The Hotline would put out every morning. In every state, any number of outfits conduct polls, some more accurate than others, using a variety of methodologies taking into account turnout among different segments of the populace. By the time late Oc ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 7/16/2008

Read Last Laughs in Social Studies

Last Laughs

Social Studies  When I was a kid, every summer my family would take a pilgrimage back to Alabama to visit my extended family. It was a 10-hour trip, we drove straight, and it was pretty brutal. My father and godfather would drive and, being the old-school country Negroes that they are, we would listen to the blues the entire drive. And when I say the entire drive, I mean I heard every "chitlin' and collard green/ my woman left me/ my dog died/ I have a strange rash" song ever written. To this day, if I hear Z ... [MORE]

by Vincent Williams | 7/16/2008

Read The Smell of Victory in Mr. Wrong

The Smell of Victory

Mr. Wrong  Now is the Summertime, and I am generally in favor of heat and humidity, especially because of when I think of Wintertime, which for me is not usually so much Good Times. I mean, I can get behind some Winter sports, like the skiing and sliding down a hill in a sled or toboggan or whatever, but the minute you stop moving, it's fucking Cold out there, you know? All you gotta do in the Summertime is find some shade, a cool refreshing beverage, and just Stop Moving. Sometimes you can even combine ... [MORE]

by Joe MacLeod | 7/9/2008

In The Tank

Political Animal  Every presidential election season, there are a few things you can count on, and one of them is the "single message" the Republican Party will put out about the Democratic nominee. For John Kerry, it was "flip-flopper." Every statement Kerry made was measured against some imagined "permanent record" in order to supposedly show how inconsistent Kerry was and how this was not a leadership trait Americans need in a president. One of the "single messages" Republicans are attempting to use against B ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 7/9/2008

Scalia's America

Political Animal  Back before we got John Roberts as the nation's newest chief justice of the Supreme Court, it was widely bandied about that Antonin Scalia had a hankering to be elevated to the position. In some ways, it is rather surprising that George W. Bush didn't appease him in this quest, as it would have fulfilled one of the hallmarks of the Bush presidency: an obstinate need to remake reality in the image to which he would like it to conform. By elevating Scalia to chief justice, Bush would have repeate ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 7/2/2008

Read Murphy's Choice in Social Studies

Murphy's Choice

Social Studies  Let me be perfectly clear: I don't expect much from Meet Dave. Eddie Murphy is a comedic genius and a box-office legend but his film career, when looked at in totality, is a little dicey. For every Beverly Hills Cop or Nutty Professor, there's one or two films like Haunted Mansion and The Holy Man. Still, I'm happy that Murphy has made a film like Meet Dave, a story about a group of miniature aliens who come to Earth in a spaceship shaped like their captain, because it offers me hope that ther ... [MORE]

by Vincent Williams | 7/2/2008

My Magic Pants

Political Animal  I have a pair of magic anti-terrorism pants. I bought them from a traveling salesman right after Sept. 11. He told me that as long as I own them, the United States will not be hit by any terrorist attacks. So far, he's been right--we haven't. A lot of people say that it's because of the policies implemented by the Bush administration, but really, I know for sure it's because of my pants. You can't prove otherwise--I still have the pants, and we've had no planes crash into any buildings in New Y ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 6/25/2008

Read Must Be Jam in Mr. Wrong

Must Be Jam

Mr. Wrong  Man, I'm real hungry. Seriously, all I had to eat was two pork chops, all day. No, wait, I had breakfast at a diner, but it wasn't that good, so maybe that's why my stomach forgot about it. It was some eggs (scrambled) and bacon and home fries and rye toast. Why is toasted rye bread almost a special order at some of these diners? Plus, it's not even usually, like a real rye bread, it's some sorta skwushy bread with a coupla seeds in it. And what the fuck is it with some of these cheap-ass dine ... [MORE]

by Joe MacLeod | 6/25/2008

Redefinitions

Political Animal  In my first job in professional radio, I worked as an editor in a news department run by a man who came out of sales. On the side, he recorded advertising spots for a diet firm that was almost ubiquitous on the airwaves in the late 1980s. The catch phrase for the diet, delivered by him with relish was, "It's not a diet--it's a system!" Really, it was just a diet. But the key mechanism of this type of sales is to redefine your product to make it special and different from the glut of other produ ... [MORE]

by Brian Morton | 6/18/2008

Read

"Love and Happiness" Is Forever

Social Studies  So, it looks like this summer is actually providing some pretty good music to listen to. I'm digging the new Estelle, Portishead, N.E.R.D., and Roots, but you know what I think is my favorite new joint of all? My favorite album right now is the new Al Green, Lay It Down. I mean, just to save some of my cred and try to slow my descent into Old Cranky Mandom, it is produced by modern-day wunderkinds, Questlove and James Poyser, but to be perfectly honest, the new Al Green sounds exactly like the ... [MORE]

by Vincent Williams | 6/18/2008

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