Baltimore Living
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The next snowstorm
Published: September 21, 2011
Hypothetical situation for you: You leave your bike out on the curb, unlocked, just sitting there. Not just your bike, say you leave a TV or your wallet unattended, out in the streets of Baltimore. What do you expect to happen? Duh, stolen of course. Except that it’s not theft, because you left it out in the street, which means you clearly didn’t want it, and even if you did still want it, anyone leaving their stuff out like that is clearly too stupid to have any right to complain about it, right? So why then do fucking lawn chairs hold special status when they’re sitting out on the street on a snowy day? Answer: They don’t. Hey, people who use lawn chairs as some sort of holy, untouchable boundary marker for parking spots they dug out—yeah you shoveled some snow to get your car out, but guess what? EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE THE EXACT SAME THING. This indicates a zero sum game, i.e., you have no more right to the spot than anyone else, dumbass! Opening next spring: Baltimore City Used Lawn Chair Emporium, LLC.
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